masque12: (angel puppet)
[personal profile] masque12
I smoked my last cigarette unceremoniously last night.

I could have made a big production out of it, bought another pack and waited to quit until a more portentious time, but fuck it, the addiction isn't worth all that.

I haven't been a really heavy smoker for a long time, for the last 7 years or so I've averaged a pack every 2 to 3 days, although more when I'm being social and drinking (drinking alone does not increase my cigarette consumption significantly). So it shouldn't be too big a deal to quit, I have done it before a couple of times, and mostly started back up out of boredom at work.

This is day one without a cigarette, and I am experiencing the illusion of cravings. I know that the cravings are illusions, because I had one of my yearly bouts with bronchitis a few weeks ago, and while that was going on, I went at least 5, maybe 6 days without smoking, with no cravings whatsoever. So the slight craving pangs I'm getting right now are not physical, they are psychological, because unlike a few weeks ago, my intention is to quit, so the reptile brain or whatever part of me is responsible for addiction is starting to panic.

So what I'm doing is amusing myself with the notion of meta-addiction. There is an addiction that I'm fighting, if a relatively minor one, but rather than let withdrawal actually bother me, I have adopted a pseudo-dissociated perspective, and have chosen to amuse myself by observing the onset of withdrawal behavior as if I was an outside observer. I have never used this tactic before, but right now, it does seem to be working, so I'm going to ride it out, and hopefully the utility of it will hold for the two weeks that seem to be the agreed upon consensus to kick the habit.


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November 2012

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